Divine Here and Now: Far from the Exotic East

India is a very religious country. In a deeply religious country, which upholds non-attachment and seems very attached to its little ideas of what is right and not so right, it is quite a challenge to walk out and away from every religion.

Popular religions do not cut for me. If I have to choose one, it definitely would be a blend of love, reverence, humility and joy. I have often questioned our notions of sacredness, specially the (ill)reputed spirituality of India, the bharatvarsha. However, every now and then, India surprises me with few glimpses into her quiet, rich beauty. Beauty of support and love.

Every now and then, India lends me a glimpse into her quiet, rich beauty. Beauty of support and love. 

This week was one such glimpse. I visited my (extended) family in Bareilly and Moradabad. I met some of my family members for the first time, learning about their existence and their relationship to me with freshness.

It was not all awesome travel though, yet three days on train, an unexpectedly long interview, and an unwelcome advance from a bhaiya have not damped the warmth, the safety and the joy I feel (even now) from having met my (new) family members.

It feels as if I had a small tourist’s glimpse into perhaps what is means by ‘community’, by ‘looking out for each other’ and ‘having each other’s back’.

In their presence I felt connected, happy, warm and welcome. Truth refreshingly sprang from their joyous presence. Our conversation soon moved towards myths surrounding Gods and Goddesses. Myths that are embodied by them themselves. Living Lords telling me their own stories in third person!

I heard about Goddesses being lustily chased by their devotees. I too lived the lust and the change of heart of these well-intentioned misled devotees as they narrated these stories. I sat there in their presence touched, hearing about how this particular Goddess honored and liberated her devotees. I like to believe I know a little more now of how and why our legends live from one yuga to another.

The constant eternal truth quite cleverly changes bodies and lives through us for ever. Divinity expressing Herself through uncles and aunts, unseen and unloved before. Divinity translating and yoking as one with our humanness.

Two conversations, which stand out for me I share below. Hark, listen- this is sound of Love:

"... forgiveness is divine. What is God? (But) forgiveness. "

We were talking about rudra (fierce) forms of Shiva and Shakti. My uncle mentioned Kaalbhairav as rudra form of Shiva. I asked them to tell me who this ‘Kaalbhairav’ is. Apparently, as a devotee of Mother Goddess, Bhairav was very austere and had lot of powers. He thought that if he could wed his Goddess, then he could also partake her strength and powers. This would make him the most powerful. Greed and lust over took him and he started chasing his own Goddess, so as to coerce her into marriage.

Uncle: (He is my maternal uncle, referred henceforth as mamaji) So, the Bhairav was chasing mother Kali to quench his lust and greed. She defeated him there (at Vaishnodevi), beheaded him (removed his ‘ego-sense’) and his head fell far away on a mountain top. She blessed him that you would be honored before and above me.

Aunt: (She is sister of my mama ji, referred henceforth as mausiji) No, (correcting her brother, my mamaji) - She blessed him that to worship her; we need to first pay our respect and love to him (in his shrine).

Mamaji: Yes, yes. See Gargi in all our stories who are all the demons? They are great devotees, who get misguided. The moral of all stories is what?

Me: to forgive…

Mamaji: Yes, forgiveness. You see forgiveness is divine. What is God? (But) forgiveness.

Sometime later, the conversation shifted to the temple they made repeated references to as – ‘our temple’. This particular temple as I saw it looked very well maintained and very beautiful. I asked them why they referred it to as ‘our temple’. Did they own it?

I learned that my (cousin) grandfather (nanaji) established the first God next to a tree. Later different community members did the needful and soon a full fledged temple emerged. I asked them if the temple had a trust, which collected funds and managed it. They laughed at my (very western) question and replied almost in unison something in line of – What trust? What trust can make a temple? How can it be our temple or trust’s temple? It is God’s temple. Not ours. It is open for all. God willing, we contribute in whatever way we can.

Some more honest humility later our conversation moved on to eating sweets and I mentioned how I don’t like to eat a lot at night because it affects my sleep and dreams. I received lots of heartfelt suggestions on how to improve my sleep and dreams. Then my nanaji said with much conviction- just remember Shankar God when you get a nightmare. Quite naturally, what I saw as the – ‘urge’ to educate my very educated mind about Gods flowed. I am thankful it did. For it brought me to the second hammer:

Truth is in the end. In the end is the truth. So, why run here and there and ask for things. Why not worship the truth? 

Mamaji: You see, (the way I remember it, he said ‘you see’ quite often. I might be wrong, but this is what I like to remember). Shiva is the end. What is the end (fate) of anything? Tell me what is the fate of a pan.

Me: Destruction…

Mamaji: The fate of the pan is to end. Truth is in the end. In the end is the truth. So, why run here and there and ask for things. Why not worship the truth? Shiva is the truth.

My words don’t capture the experience of unity, safety, and honesty that I had in their presence. To me this is god embodied. To me they are the Lords, who they were talking about. Can you picture my joy?

There was no split between their actions, their words and the energy behind those words.

Quite soon we talked about Islam. In India we seem to have a problem of Islamophobia and equality-phobia. I clenched in my heart and belly when the conversation shifted to various practices of Muslim community as I had the preconceived fear (quite stereotypically) that very religious Hindu folks tend to hate Muslims. However, to my delight I heard them talk about the differences in our practices with innocence, curiosity and love of a child. My fears of anti-Muslim behavior had no base there.

To me this curiosity, this all embracing, un-owning reverence is the Goddess herself. And I hope She would forgive me too. I hope She would behead me too. I hope that I could share the love and joy that I felt in their company,.

Here, in this land, there is no difference between humans and Gods. Both have two feet, two hands, two eyes and sometimes more or less of these. Both have this body and are not bound by it. Both claim few religions and beliefs, yet their truth and love flows over any religion, science or nescience.

What a privilege! What a joy! Oh my Love!