Renouncement 101

Being one of the over(t)ly educated, yoga doing, meditating, hippy class folk, the glory and tapas of sadhana and sannyasa (renunciation) often lingers in my heart. The glory of rising above base instincts and desires! Aah ha! The profanity of our unreal existence and the calling of the surreal sannyasa-hood and Service rings in my heart! 

I take it pretty seriously-  in reading books about how real renunciation is not in reading books, in enjoying my sweet isolation knowing that renunciation has nothing to do with social isolation.

And, then I get more serious and pledge myself to strict saadhna.

And, this is how and where the demon Mara in form of ego (mada) creeps in sooo  s l o  w   l    yyy  and surely! Pretty much the greatest enemy of a sannyasa life style.  Mada translates as both ego and passion. Passionate to be a renunciate and or protective about it to the point of self-ness (ego)! That is diametrically opposite to the view of sannyasa I have. 

So, here I am writing this post to try to make light of my ego and see the leela play out through me~

The Uninitiated~

So, I spent atleast year in distaste of my job/education and almost took pride in my disinterest. For me, back then this disinterest was a sure sign of renunciation process going well. 

Well, what happened as a consequence was that I convinced my mind that research is not for me, and that I actually do not like it and it is not meaningful at all. Neti, neti, neti in a very neti-able perspective!

The research suffered, guilt and fear piled up (fear or bhaya is another demon for sannyasa.)

Renouncement as an escape is such a slippery slippery slippery path! Aah! I say that as the one so steeply slipped!

Bhagvatam reprimands~

Well, it so happens that I need to have something as 'mine' in order to renounce it. Without ownership, the act of renouncing does not happen.

A person with no money can not renounce money. A person with no social thingy, can not renounce that social thingy.

There are billions who are economically and socially 'poor' due to their socio-economic-political-educational and various other reasons. They have not renounced anything. They might be absolutely content, and that is not renunciation.

Buddha renounced his palatial pleasures, because a) he had them, b) he consciously chose to discard them, even when the circumstances were so pleasurable.

So, I have not renounced wealth, because I was never wealthy to begin with. I have not renounced consort-ial attachments, because I do not sport a consort! 

The Game of Renouncing~

This game as few rules too - as it turns out.
In order to renounce what is not truly mine, I need to sit in the only truth. Sit in that which God gives. Not tomorrow or then. Now and now.

(I started writing this blog post a while ago, and like all opinions and beliefs that my mind has sported with, the opinions mentioned above have also deserted. I do not know any longer what I know or what I do not know. I know no longer what renunciation is and what bhoga is. I do not know where I am and where I want to be. I am publishing it because, I guess, it is my karma.
My only hope now is in the feet of Lord and mercy of Guru.)